A recent news item reminds me that the care of a family member, whether they are convalescing or suffering dementia, can create tremendous stress for the care-giver. Let me give you an example:
In January 2002, my father died, leaving Mom alone in her apartment in the early stages of dementia. With my husband's backing, I drove up the snow-rimed Coquihalla to bring Mom to live with us.
At the time, I managed a high-rise apartment, and my husband ran a small business. We felt that between the two of us, we could manage. A year later, my sister came to visit. She took one look at me and said, "The family is getting a live-in caregiver for Mom. We're not losing you, like we lost Dad."
Care-giving requires immense support systems. Experts report that care giving creates tremendous emotional, financial and physical strain on the support person. Without relief or assistance, the caregiver may “...frequently experience overwhelming stress that sometimes leads to breakdowns or depression .” “Stress filled and isolating” is another description the researchers had of care-giving.
Today in Richmond, BC, Jo-Ann Alexander was charged with killing her husband. When she called 911, he had been dead for some time.
They had been married for forty years, had two adult children and there was no history of abuse. But he had been ill, the recipient of brain surgery for epilepsy, and she had been his caregiver.
Police statements emphasize that the woman, although conscious, was incoherent and was arrested under the mental health act, and is being held in hospital.
He died of blunt force trauma to the head.
I was fortunate to come from a large, caring family, and to have a sister watching over me. I had help. Unfortunately, it seems Mrs. Alexander did not have that level of support.
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